change

i hate change. let's just get that out in the open. that's why i have an iPhone. because even when they "change" it's just slight enough that's really it's still the same. 

that picture is one of my favorites. it's from liza's first week of life, when her little head was covered in dark hair and she spent her days as a perfect little burrito, always held and snuggled. and somehow, always sleeping. well two nights ago we decided it was time liza made the venture across our tiny hallway and into her crib. she's spent the last five months splitting her time between our bed (as pictured) and my dad's cradle that resides in our room. and if we had a bigger bed, or maybe a bigger cradle she would probably stay in those places another five months. or five years, who's to say. anyways, we plopped the guest mattress down on the floor of her room and geared up for a long, first night of unswaddled, crib sleeping. and then she did something we weren't expecting at all. she slept. from 7pm to 8am waking once in between to eat. there was a whole two times that her bink fell out and she needed help finding it. it was pure madness. and pure bliss sleeping for an eight hour stretch.

on one hand, i'm so thrilled and proud that my little baby can sleep by herself. it gives me comfort that she feels safe enough to close those perfect brown eyes and give in to the sleepiness that fills them. but at the same time where did my tiny baby that needed to feel me close to her and hear the sound of my voice go? and when exactly did she leave? there's so many things i feel i've already forgotten, and so much i wonder about the person she's becoming every day. is she going to wiggle out of my arms so that she can walk, or want to be carried until she's five? will she be shy around new people and hide between my legs, or will she find them more fascinating than she finds me? i'm so thankful for a child that is healthy, and growing up in the way that she should. i just hope that the changes come subtle enough for me to be graceful about them.